I love fishing… but sadly, I haven't been able to fish for quite a while. There's the Mediterranean, but other than that, the few good fishing spots in Israel are not really available to the public. So sad. Nevertheless, fishing gives me a chance to get a break from the world and just relax and meditate — and on a good day, maybe catch a fish or two. But there are different kinds of fishermen, and different ways of fishing…
A farmer was showing his visiting citydwelling friend around his farm. "Watch this!" he said. He gave a whistle and his little dog came running from the house, herded the cattle into the corral, then latched the gate with her paw. "Wow, that's some dog — what's her name?" The forgetful farmer thought for a minute and then asked, "What do you call that red flower that smells good and has thorns on the stem?" "A rose?" "That's it!" The farmer turned to his wife. "Hey Rose, what do we call this dog?"
A young reporter approached an old man on his 100th birthday. "Happy birthday, kind Sir! Can I bother you to answer one question? In all your years, of what are you most proud?" he asked.
One day, a man was walking across a bridge and saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. He immediately ran to him and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Well, why shouldn't I?" he replied. The other said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" "Like what”? "Well … are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too! …
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, age five and Ryan, three. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson so she said; "Now boys, if Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
Two hunters came across a bear so big that they dropped their rifles and ran for cover. One man climbed a tree while the other hid in a nearby cave. The bear was in no hurry to eat, so he sat down between the tree and the cave to reflect upon his good fortune. Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, the hunter in the cave came rushing out, almost ran into the waiting bear, hesitated, and then dashed back in again. The same thing happened a second time. When he emerged for the third time, his companion in the tree frantically called out, "Woody, are you crazy? Stay in the cave till he leaves!" "Can't," panted Woody, "there's another bear in there!"
The world these days is full of bad news, with tensions growing in the Middle East, economies on the brink of collapse, and nature constantly adding to the chaos with one disaster after another. It's a time of trouble all right, and for us believers it may sometimes be hard to believe – but it never is as bad as it seems. Let me illustrate with a joke I like to share with my messages.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast upon her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Mom, why are some of your hairs white?"
John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. One day, a man was walking across a bridge and saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. He immediately ran to him and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Well, why shouldn't […]
Psalms 34:1 I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. We got this email from a friend and laughed so hard we had to share it with you. There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that she had […]
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. An elderly woman returned to her home from an evening […]
James 3:5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? Wave. Ok, I have to admit — it made me chuckle too. But blonde jokes, "name your ethnic group of choice" […]
James 1:22-25 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what […]
Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones. My wife came across a joke that'll surely make you ladies laugh out loud — and you men too– that is, if you know what's good for you, lol! A small-town couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary […]
1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because thou hast rejected the word of the LORD, he hath also rejected thee from being king. Our three year old daughter, Elianna, has been driving us crazy recently. She will say “no!” to just about everything […]
Psalms 27:4 One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple. Three men were marooned on a desert island. As the days […]
Numbers 32:23 But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out. Now I'm not a big fan of drinking alcohol or drunkenness but this story was funny. He snuck up the stairs as quietly as he could. He looked in the […]
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. Two men were talking about religion. The first challenged the other, "Ok, then if you are so religious, let's hear you quote the Lord's Prayer. I'll bet […]
Proverbs 17:22a A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: In my Hebrew class I learned that in the Hebrew language, every noun is either masculine or feminine. It so happens that the word "question", or "she-eh-la" is a feminine word. So the next time you wonder why men won't ask for directions — there […]
Psalms 34:1 I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. In Budapest, a man goes to the rabbi and complains, "Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?" The rabbi answers, "Take your goat into the room with you." […]